Time flies and things constantly change, so much so that by the time I stop and think about it, it feels like nothing is ever the same as the last. A cherished memory feels forever ago, and feels like its fading, with the other many valuable memories I cling to. Bits of my identity stored within tangible and intangible objects. Journaling and photography help me return to my past while I cling so hard to what’s right in front of me.

These are new chapters in life I’m experiencing. Some days, I’m able to flip through the pages of my mind, and I land on a special feeling, but most times I’m focused here in the present — grinding. It’s where I’ve trained myself to be, moving in the present, planning for the future, but overall, driving in the fast lane getting to my next position.

And perhaps that’s why I feel this way, just constantly catching up with myself mentally, always overly aware of my headspace and my emotions. Constantly self-critical, constantly adjusting. It’s tiring to be this self-conscious and this addicted to work. I don’t give myself enough love, enough time, enough credit, enough personal space. I just grind, work, and think hard; I don’t look back, but rather keep my eyes on the prize. I do what my heart calls for, what feels right, because I’ve learned to trust myself more than anyone.

The thing I am most proud of is where this has gotten me today. Because, for a while, it felt like maybe I was getting nowhere, or at least I had a long, long way to go. But today, I feel differently about this mostly due to the past two years of my life.. and in particular, the past 6 months. It’s been an absolute grind, but looking back at it, it’s contributed immensely to my character development, specifically in the direction I’ve always wanted it to go. I get to facilitate, organize, create, contribute, and enjoy the flowers of my labor, while taking part in something positive. I’m yearning for more personal time and self-love, but I know that I will focus energy on it and feel better about it in time. It’s just incredibly important to me to honor what nature provides us during certain points or seasons in our lives. Metaphorically, I feel as if this chapter of mine is like Spring – it’s a time of growth and regeneration, as well as planting seeds for the future.