A lot is on my mind, every day and night. Each day there is a passing moment where I wish I could drop what I’m doing and just note down that feeling that I’m feeling. Most times I find silence and try to write I mostly just feel unhappy that I can’t get down to what it is I even want to say. What were those thoughts and feelings I had that were interesting at the time? The medium means a lot too. Sometimes it’s easier to just tweet a sentence or two, and leave it at that. What I go through, and what I have to share, is worthy of more of that, I think. I say that now, but most of the time I also battle with this very idea… that my thoughts or feelings are worth anything to anyone else, or worth publishing online to share – like who cares? What on Earth does it change if I have an opinion just to make it clickable and sharable? I’d lost any motivation to do that anymore for a long while, like nearly 5+ years, but I believe I know the reasons why. A lot of the time between then and now has been a very rough and jagged path of self-becoming and growth, as well as studies and work, and just trying to survive. Just trying very, very hard to be the best version of myself in this crazy, screwed up world that can lead you down any path you decide to take. Am I a screw up…? Am I doing my part in society? Am I supporting local businesses and the right social programs and voting for the right things? Am I even making enough to pay bills and save for my future with healthy credit and reliable transportation and…? You know, just dealing and worrying about all the things school never really prepared us to unless you were lucky. But I’ve accepted something of the utmost importance this year: life waits for no one, opportunities wait for no one… and most importantly nothing anyone thinks matters… This life and how we choose to plan it out, that’s on us. And it’s on ourselves to personally see it through and take accountability for it… And along the way, recognize our achievements and success, don’t dwell on our missed shots and what-if’s. I did a lot of both this year, but truly realized the importance of honoring our achievements. It’s been a rough year and I feel for everybody affected. I’m extremely lucky I happened to be in the right industry, in the right job at the right time… Many people have been less fortunate. But also, this is the result of my hard work. This is the result of my hardheadedness mixed with my soft soul. I would not be where I am without the initiatives I have taken to make sure I am myself to the fullest degree, and always searching to develop on that, to build my character. I’m thankful to everything, to everyone, most importantly myself. I’m still figuring it out, and that’s OK. I’m starting on things now I should have already, but that’s OK. We here now and we gonna run it up this new year like it’s a new life.

Peace

photos by Dennis Andrade